The Unhealthy Root of Perfectionism

“For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again…” (Proverbs 24:16)
 

Frustration with the learning process is often rooted in ungodly pride. When we become annoyed by the messiness of growth, we’re expressing an expectation of perfection—an expectation that we should be beyond the need for learning altogether.

This pride can cause us to resist the humility required to embrace mistakes as necessary steps toward mastery. Just like a child learning to walk must stumble to develop strength, we too must make mistakes to grow.

Being impatient or frustrated with that reality reveals a heart unwilling to submit to the refining work of God, who uses each stumble to shape us into wiser, more capable stewards of our callings.

The Steep Costs of Perfectionism

This pride also comes with some pretty steep costs.
 

• You become too hard on yourself (and others), hustling non-stop to "make up for" non-essential things that "need" to be perfected before you can be satisfied with your work.
   
• You struggle to emotionally rest, making it impossible to celebrate milestones or enjoy the fruit of your labor. Your life becomes a nonstop grind, trying to outrun inadequacies. (This is a violation of the sabbath principle, and it is not a gift to your family or team.)
   
• With new projects, you either get overwhelmed and quit at the gate, or you sprint through the marathon and end up too exhausted (burned out) to finish. You neglect nutrition, exercise, sleep, and relationships in the name of crushing your goals. You fill your time with busywork, fiddling with perfectionism instead of finding creative ways to be effective.
   
• You see the process as the enemy, so every failure and setback takes a toll on you emotionally. This fast track to burnout makes meaningful productivity impossible. It’s a low place, where even getting out of bed becomes a challenge, let alone producing excellence in your work.
   

When you have a fixed mindset and run into a mess, you tend to be completely closed off emotionally to the process of bringing order out of chaos, skill out of naiveté, and maturity out of inexperience.
 

A growth mindset creates space for progress, while a fixed mindset expects spotless perfection right from the start.
 

Related:

• The Ongoing Ministry of Bringing Order Out of Chaos
• Where do you even start when you’ve found yourself in a ‘survival mode’ season?

Learning From the Patient Humility of Babies

Have you ever watched a baby trying to walk? He might fall a few times, then crawl over to his snacks and sippy cup to take a breather. He seems perfectly satisfied with having completed his "learning to walk exercises," spending the rest of the day playing, napping, and crawling. He doesn’t hustle to master walking by ignoring his hunger or sleep cues. He doesn’t neglect relationships or the joy of playing with toys. In fact, he thrives on celebrating each step he takes and moves on to enjoy the rest of his day.
 

And when he does figure out how to walk, he’s not immediately frustrated that he doesn’t know how to run. He simply practices walking faster and faster until he gains that skill too. Walking, running, climbing, eating, building, and learning are just a few of the things a child must master in the early years.
 

Their natural growth mindset turns all of these complex tasks into the grand adventure of childhood. Children take satisfaction in the process, stay present with others, and prioritize self-care. And when they get frustrated, healthy adults come alongside them to remind them that errors are all a part of learning.
 

Children accept this because they haven’t yet learned to see themselves as too important to struggle.

The Remedy

The remedy is simple: adopt a Christian growth mindset.
 

Be humble, recognizing you don’t have it all figured out yet, and learn to adopt the four-year-old’s phrase in the face of mistakes, errors, and uncertainty: It’s all a part of learning.
 

So what does this mean practically for your life?
 

• Are you in the long uphill climb phase of accomplishing an important goal, and you’re feeling weary? Are you tempted to look back and crave the comfort of not having the responsibility to finish? Keep your hand to the plow and don’t grow weary in well doing. Figuring out how to take the next right step each day is indeed hard work—but it will be worth it in the end. Making this goal a sustainable part of your life is all a part of learning.
   
• Are you struggling to adjust to a change? Is uncertainty getting to you? Take a deep breath. Get still, get organized, and recognize that growing in wisdom as you navigate uncertainty is all a part of learning.
   
• Are you making mistake after mistake in refining your home rhythms? Does it feel like every day exposes a weak part of your routine? Getting into good rhythms is a process. Take a deep breath. Get still, consider the pain points, brainstorm solutions, and recognize that missteps are all a part of learning.
   
• Is perfectionism keeping you from finishing that important project, like decluttering your home? Take a deep breath. Get reconnected with your “why,” and recognize that putting progress over perfection is all a part of learning.
   
• Is your exercise program causing more stress than it’s worth? Take a deep breath. Research a fun way to move. Pivoting when a better way becomes clear is all a part of learning.
   

It’s all a part of learning. So pause, evaluate, pivot, and move forward with confidence that God is maturing you through this process.
 

Take your mistakes in joyful stride because errors are simply opportunities to grow.
 

When you adopt this mindset, you model growth for others—especially your children and those closest to you. You tend to be more gracious, and you have the energy to see your goals through milestone after milestone.
 

Radical, positive change happens. Possibilities unfold everywhere.
 

And that is the truly addictive part of the process.
 

Keep going, friend.
 

It’s all a part of learning.

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